Getting over Hotel Oberland ... Camp Bern

This is my first post dedicated to a hotel. which is funny considering that the last three hotels (two here and park Hyatt at Goa) that I stayed in were so divine.



I was cribbing about Oberland yesterday. Felt perked up at Bern. Headed back. To a hotel room where the beds looked worse than if they had been made by me. And that calls for a lot. The pillows weren't fluffed. There were strands of hair all over the bed ... hopefully ours. And there was the odd crumpled tissue lying on the floor.


And this is an upper mid range hotel! And after we stayed at the aristocratic Villa Toscane at Montreux and the prince's mountain retreat like Christiana at Zermatt.

Should have know what to expect when we lugged our luggage and got into a musty lift. When we got a card when we entered the room which said 'we will be charged money if the bathroom flooded... that the bathroom didn't have a drain. That we would be charged if we took away the 'room decorations'. We looked around the gloomy room with stained carpets and eighties German kitsch brown tiled stinky bathroom and wondered, 'what decorations?' When we opened the window and almost banged our head against the window of the adjacent house. When we got our room changed for a better view and fewer square feet and a stained pot in the loo. When we were told that we would be charged as we had stayed in the first room for a couple of hours. When we were welcomed in the morning breakfast with a sign which said 'don't pack your food'. When I looked at the bathroom mirror which instead of the usual flowery spiel on the envt they tersely wrote ' we wash a lot of towels everyday. A lot of them are unused. Please help us conserve the environment'. When they wrote that they could give us a fan, electric kettle, iron etc for a deposits of 100 francs or 5000 Rs. When I saw that instead of toiletry bottles they put a one size fits all - hair, face, body gel - in a tube attached to the wall. When the key card didn't work twice in succession. When they didn't clean the cobwebs in the verandah grills despite my asking them to. I would have myself but that might qualify as 'taking away' their property.

I can go on and on. But there is a silver lining. We are leaving tomorrow :)

After the last few inspired suggestions this was a big let down from our T A.

And someone should tell the guys at Oberland that surprise surprise that most guests here (50 p c Indian) have travelled the world and have stayed in real hotels.

Interpatel ... better known as Interlaken (Camp Interlaken)

K and I had our DDLJ moment today.

(For the uninitiated, Shahrukh Khan met Kajol in the film Dilwale Dulhaniye Le Jayenge in a train in Switzerland just as it was leaving)

We were switching trains at Visp on the way to Interlaken. I stepped across to the Doner Kebab shop while Kainaz waited at the platform. I got a missed call from her and grabbed the Donner Kebab, paid and ran to the train. Jumped in in the nick of time.

Which was a bit symbolicas I had just read in Lonely Planet about how DDLJ led to a rise in Indian tourists in Switzerland. And then we had our DDLJ moment.

And our next town of Interlaken is full of Indian tourists AND shop keepers. Hardly seems like a foreign country. Interlaken isquite dull and doesn't have the buzz of a Geneva or even of the smaller, but more lively and beautiful, Zermatt.

Our hotel, City Oberlands, is not a patch on our earlier hotels. Though I managed to get us moved to a better room (stained pot, cobwebs in the verandah, but a better view and nice bright lights and paintings on the wall) after convincing the frowning desk manager whom K call Jungfrown after the Jungfrau mountains here.

No more free biz centre internet so am at an Internet Cafe now.

We have three more days here and I hope things begin to pick up.

Wish us luck!

Kela? KL, Malaysia 2006

Someone had posted a query on facebook recently – “what can I do if I have six hours at KL?”

I must admit that I was a bit stumped by this question despite our trip to Malaysia couple of years back. I went there for a conference. Kainaz joined me after that and we spent a few days at KL followed by Langkawi in 2006.

The truth is that Kl’s left a blank spot in my mind. I think the KLCC Petronas Towers at KL sum it up – steel, chrome, modern, impressive but robotic.

KL isn’t a bad city. Don’t get me wrong. It is clean, has manicured roads, sparkling malls, it has a variety of restaurants and night clubs. The people are friendly and helpful and speak English

I guess we were a bit spoilt by our trip to Bangkok last year.

Bangkok had Sukhomvit which was very lively and full of character. KL’s Golden Triangle was quite empty by 9 PM. Bangkok had the majestic Royal Palace and the Buddha temples for sightseeing. KL’s sightseeing trip consisted of a national ‘museum’ which had stuff from 1960 or so, Merdeka square – a garden at the end of the day - and batik factories. And the guides were quite perfunctory compared to those at Thailand. Bangkok had lovely street shopping which one could do at Sukhumvit, the Sum Lum night market and the Chatuchaak weekend market. The shopping at KL was largely at malls. The prices were more expensive than India for the same stuff. Bangkok had Cabbages and Condoms and lovely street food. KL had food courts in malls which shut by 9 and the odd food court. Bangkok had Pat Pong. KL was famous for famous night clubs such as Zousk (?) but apparently that’s open only on certain days of the week. You can go to places such as Ayuthaya, Floating Market, River Kwai from Bangkok. You can only go to Genting if you like gambling or amusement parks or to the comparatively drab ‘historical city’ of Malacca from KL.

I don’t want to make this a KL versus Bangkok thing but the point I am trying to make is that going to KL could be like staying in a five star hotel assuming money’s not an issue. The experience is picture perfect but sterile. It is a place to go to if one wants a break. But it didn’t strike me as a place to go to collect memories.

A bit like the word ‘kela’ in Hindi or ‘kola’ in Bengali, this means banana, and is kid’s slang for 'very ordinary'.

Would love to know if you have a different take on KL

Traveller’s notes:

- avoid going during Ramzan, everything shuts early

- public transport such as the subway does not cover the entire city. So stay close to the Golden Triangle as the city is quiet dead for tourists outside this. We stayed in a hotel which was slightly away to save 10 USD per day. Ended up spending much more on cabs. The Tamil expat cabbies or notorious for not following the meter. So look for Chinese cabbies
- The malls have more variety than in India but everything is more expensive than here. Thailand is cheaper
- Liquor is duty free at Langkawi, so cheaper to buy booze there
- Everyone seemed to have seen Shahrukh Khan during the shooting of Don there!

Disclaimer - this article is not sponsored by the Thai ministry of tourism. The writer is open to offers of Bahts from the same though

The many wonders of India... our amazing politicians

You would have probably heard of the Taj Mahal, the forts of Rajasthan, the beaches of Goa, the backwaters of Kerala, the tigers of the Sunderbans ... but have you heard of the world's most amazing collection of political leaders.

Well the latest terror attack at Mumbai threw up quite a few. Consider the facts and then think whether it is worth coming to India to see these unique specimens:

• A geriatric, soft spoken, Prime Minister who waited till the nation was brought to its knees, till the killing spree was close to 24 hours, till a city's back was broken before coming on television, reading from a tele prompter and threatening to rap the knuckles of the bad boys who were out there killing people. Who is his role model? Chamberlain, Britain's prime minister who had tried to negotiate with Hitler!
• A Home Minister of the country (in charge of internal security) who has taken multiple terror attacks in the last three months - Delhi, Jaipur, Guwahati, Bombay - calmly in his stride without blinking an eyelid. Just another day in office for him. A day too many for us though
• A state Chief Minister who went to inspect the damages and destruction done to his state's capital with his son (who apparently acts in films) with a guy who used to make films
• A state Home Minister who in reference to the carnage in his state said, 'such small incidents happen in large cities. The terrorists were planning to kill 5500 people'. Unquote. Well, yes it is not as important as shutting bars where girls danced to entertain patrons is it?
• A leader of the national opposition who tried to score brownie points while terrorists were killing people in Bombay by saying that blasts when his government ruled killed fewer people than when the current government took over. This is the same gentleman who had overseen the destruction of the mosque which led to terrible religious riots in our country. The same gentleman, who as home minister, had handed over the man who is considered to be the master mind of the recent terror attacks to hijackers
• A Chief Minister of another state, Kerala, who went to visit the house of an army major slained by the killers to get political mileage. Who was thrown out of the house by the indignant father of the slain major... himself a retired scientist of ISRO, India's equivalent of Nasa. A Chief Minister who hit back at the family of the martyred soldier by saying that even a dog (sic!) wouldn't have looked at house if it wasn't for their son. I was tempted to write that a dog did visit them because of their son. BUT I love dogs and I would never run down these noble creatures by equating them with politicians
• An opposition party member who responds to citizen candle light protests by saying 'that a few women who wear lipstick and apply powder on their face are criticising politicians without knowing what they are speaking about'. Well let me assure him that we all know what our politicians are worth
• Self appointed guardians of a city, who beat up people have come to work in the city from other parts of the country, who do not speak the language of these leaders and who refer to the city by a name which these leaders refer to. Not a squeak was heard from them as the citizens of the city they claim to own were being mowed down. As a friend of mine pointed out, they finally seemed to have paid heed to the gag order put on them by the courts. Or perhaps they have fled the city

The list goes on. These are the people we have elected. Or, worse still, the people we have not elected because we did not vote.

So go out and vote the next time. Many have asked who do we vote to? Even I ask the same question. But someone made a telling point on TV recently. Our politicians cater to vote banks. If go out and vote we will become a vote bank. Then they would have to listen to us.

And here's a sobering thought. The chances of the next prime minister of India being less than seventy five years old is much much less than the US getting a coloured president.

Placing the wrong bets - Genting

What do you do at Genting if you don't gamble, if you are not into amusement parks, if you want to go to a hill station. You don't go!

We planned to cover a modern city and a sea resort by going to KL and Langkawi during our trip to Malaysia in 2006. We then added Genting to our itinerary as a day trip as we felt that we would get to go to a hill station too.

This is when our travel agents let us down. This was really sad as they had helped us chart out a lovely tour of Thailand last year. I would have expected them to know that artificial pleasures of malling, amusement parks, casinos are not our scene. They should have known that we are more into history, natural beauty and food. They should have told us not to go to Genting.

The beginning of the journey was fine as we stopped at chocolate 'factory', a tourist trap after our heart for a change. The cable car ride after the two hour drive was fun too.

The coin dropped when we reached Genting. We figured out that it is not a hill station. It is a complex of casino hotels and you are confined to these. We went into the casino to kill some time and came out soon. There was an amusement park which you had to pay to enter which didn't make sense as it was not our scene. We stepped out of the hotel and figured out that you could only go up to the parking lots. There were some pretty gardens there but that's it. And it was fairly chilly too.

So we went back in and spent time in the coffee shop till our time was over and our coach left for KL.

A precious eight hours wasted!

Traveler's notes:

• Genting is about 3 hrs away from KL
• Don't do an an overnight trip unless you are clear that you will be inside the hotel and will frequent the casino
• The amusement park is supposed to be good and would attract those with kids

The hysterical Cemberlitas Hamam

I didn’t know much about Turkey till I went there. The Turkish Hamams were an exception. In retrospect I had ‘heard’ about them but didn’t ‘know’ about them.

I had visions of an exotic, relaxing, unwinding experience. What I experienced was jarring, unsettling and disturbing. Lonely Planet did say that one must experience a hamam though they warned that many today were tourist traps.


We had gone to the Cemberlatis Hamam near the Blue Mosque at Istanbul. This was recommended by our local travel agent and Lonely Planet. Its call to fame was that it was designed by Sinan, the architect of the Blue Mosque, and was around four hundred years old.

I went in for the ‘luxury package’ hamam, soap scrub and oil massage which was 80 liras or 40 euros per person. Kainaz did suggest going for the basic package in case we didn’t like it. She was right. We should have done that.

You expect a certain amount of finesse, luxury and hospitality when you are paying 40 euros or Rs 2400. Especially in Turkey where one got used to experiencing the same.

Well, here’s what happened. I entered the large . I was directed to a changing room where I was given a towel and two tokens. I wrapped the towel around me and walked tentatively back into the lobby. Someone then directed me to another room. Here I saw there was a round marble platform with a few vessels lying there. A few people were lying on th platform. One or two were getting massaged. And there were a few like me who were walking around with disturbed looks. By then I knew I was not getting my moneys both. The surroundings were damp and looked 400 years old. I could see soot in the grills when I looked up at the dome like ceiling. I did not feel good or relaxed. A far cry from, say, the Thai massage parlours.

Then a man with a towel around his waist appeared and asked me though gestures to lie down on the platform and to rest my head on an aluminium cup. He then gave me a cursory, painful rub over, which passed off for a massage. He nexttook a loofa, worked up a soap lather on me, took me to a tap and asked me to clean up. He then looked at me, smiled, winked and said “massage good? Service! Service!”. This was the only time in Turkey that someone openly asked us for tips.

He then pushed me into another room which turned out to be the oil massage room. This was the only redeeming feature of the experience and contributed to 50% of the cost. The massage was good but I was too tense to enjoy it. In fact he even asked me to relax a couple of times. He was the only one who spoke English. Though I seriously doubt whether it lasted 30 minutes. The room was clean but didn’t really give you a good feeling.

Next stop was the shower cubicle where I went and had a shower and then came out in a wet towel wondering what to do next. I stepped out into the lobby when one man took me back in, put towels around my head, torso and waist and sent me to the changing room.

I then waited for Kainaz. She came out from the women’s section a few minutes later and looked shell shocked. She hated it as much and more. She said the women’s section was even worse. It had no shower cubicle, no soap, no changing rooms, no one to wrap you in towels at the end. She too said that the oil massage was the only redeeming feature but was nothing unique. Her ‘soap massage’ in the hamam was quite surreal though. I was recently reading a new Bond book set in the seventies which speaks of a hamam in Iran with scantily clad women doing the massages. Seems it was pretty much the same in the women’s section. Except the women were of the same seventies vintage…so you had grandmas in granny panties. 'Bizarre' was how Kainaz described it.

To add insult to injury Kainaz picked the tab AND lost her fairly expensive glares there.

The hamam left us dazed and confused. Well not really – we are pretty clear that we will never recommend it to anyone.

Notes

• Avoid this
• If you want to feel relaxed take the Bosporus cruise or have an apple tea in a local cafe
• The prices change and the next day what we paid seventy for was 80 liras